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Pets or Pests?

Oh,   I see you have a Rhinoceros  !
Bill Cosby

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Pet Related Resources - Newsletters

Behavior Modification tools & techniques.

Pet Food Plans

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Animal Welfare Sites


The Humane Society of the United States

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The Following links are to a Wonderful Pet related website, beautifully created
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Cat Information


The benefits of Spay/Neutering

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The Facts About Declawing

Feline First Aid

Pawprints & Purrs ~ a catlopedia

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OTHER PET RELATED LINKS


CATS - a guide, with Franny Syufy

Find low cost spay/neuter near you

Soft Paws-a declaw alternative

Rescuers.com
California's Directory of Animal Rescue Groups and Shelters

Rent with pets

Hotels that take pets

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Ensuring Happy Relationships

or healing injured ones ...

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PROBLEMS in Communication   =   PROBLEMS in the Relationship

But when those problems get beyond the point where we simply can't
understand them anymore,  What do we Do about it?



Every so often our civilization discovers new break-throughs that allow us to be Free from the gross errors of past "accepted ways" simply because we didn't previously understand something Basic about life, about human beings and the motivational factors of the way we behave,  or the universe for that matter!  Some easily recalled examples are Galileo and "the Church," The Crusades, The Spanish Inquisition,  The Salem Witch Trials, and the Vietnam WAR,  just to name a few.  In each of these great wrongs perpetrated by authority figures of the time, the result has been great pain and suffering simply because we didn't Know enough to realize we were Wrong!   Of course, that process of finding greater understanding, and Better ways, hopefully still lives Today!


For those of you in other countries, hopefully your statistics are better, however...

A Century ago, the recorded divorce rate in America was 6%.

Fifty years ago, the recorded U.S. divorce rate was 14%.


At the beginning of this New Century, the divorce rate in America is very close to 60%!

Dr. Phillip McGraw,  ( Dr. Phil )
From a past segment on the Oprah show concerning the destructive
pain of misunderstanding leading both  to,  and from,  affairs.


We've CERTAINLY made Progress over this last hundred years, Haven't we?

After all, Large Change Does have its little Consequences now,   doesn't it.


While it's true that certain more radical groups might consider that statistic a vast improvement toward their polemic viewpoint, that resultant opinion is simply another severe response to the same original problem, the huge gap in understanding the inner motives and resulting perplexing behaviors of the "opposite" sex.

Does there seem to be a trend here?   If we can assume  without overly complicated statistical analysis, that this is Not just some temporarily painful social aberration, then there must be certain factors at the base of this problem.



Let's Consider just One of the Prime ones!



The "prime directive" of  legal systems  is to Punish,   Not to heal!

With Them,  Everything has always got to be a Battle,

with a Winner    And  a Loser!

It's what they Understand!  It's what they DO.

It's a part of their Basic mentality!

And,  it's what Pays their bills.



The Legal profession has Highly Paid extravagantly spending lobbyists,  just like other highly funded  Big businesses, who do their very Best to influence our legislators into passing newer and newer Laws each year that simply ensures more business for them!   Of course in cases like large scale corporate greed that seriously injures whole segments of our society just to allow certain corporate officers and their share holders to enrich themselves,  or cases protecting us from drunken drivers or mass murderers, that's Certainly a Good thing!  However  in the case of family law, what has that same punishment mentality actually Done for,  or possibly to  our society?

So just what  Are  our goals,  both as a society,  and as families today
regarding this simply generally accepted  lawyers office business as usual
  divorce processing mill cash cow  anyway?  And just How many additional lives and relationships of extended family and friends are destroyed for Decades, or for added generations upon Generations, by that  same  adversarial punishment mentality?



Are there Problems in marriages?   Of COURSE there are!

Can those problems get totally out of hand when we  fail  
to understand why being what we Think of as logical,  simply doesn't Work anymore?

Of COURSE they can!


On the One hand, our society says  "There's Something Wrong here with this multiplying pain of the current divorce rate!"   But on the Other hand, the Enforcement arm of that same society says,  "Don't blame Us!   It's not Our fault!   How Could it be when we get so Handsomely PAID to  Rip  each and Every One of those families apart  'legally,'  doing this Public Service we do!"



However,  is having our families encouraged to be RIPPED apart by our own  "legal"  system,   often times Completely destroying in the process, extremely fragile family financial structures, which were Usually one of the   main Causes   of the problems in the first place,   simply as an inconsequential side effect of the way things   Are today,  really  a Logical solution to these   already painful Enough issues,   just because the "lawyers"     have a "Complicated  and Expensive formula"   for such things?

Or Might that actually be a
 simplistic and Painfully   Ignorant   and/or greedy  formula ...

at the emotional and financial expense of,   at the very minimum,

tens of thousands   of families,   everywhere.



In Today's world, our various state legislators, whom We elect, have created and   allowed   a Family Law Punishment structure which is a result of the same "legal mind set" which has created our prison system!

Family Law, as it   Currently   exists,   Does NOTHING,  and CARES Nothing,   about Healing the pain of the gender based, and current economy based,   misunderstandings and stresses which are at the Bottom of   So   many painful break-ups, which then in turn, Often times give  Additional pain to multiple generations of caring and deeply injured family members.    Family Law, as it Currently exists ... ONLY adds MORE pain of the disastrous emotional variety, and THEN  Bills  the "family" for the Expenses of TWO lawyers for the "privilege" of Doing so ... money which could   and Should  have gone to the Positive values of REPAIRING sensitive family relationships, and Enhancing understanding and HEALING ... rather than the Additional pain  Plus the   Massive   ... both  Financial  and   Emotional expense ... to the Entire   Family,  of Divorce.


The "legal" profession is very practiced at   washing their hands   of any   blame   and staying very "clean,"    just    as  other  so-called   authority   figures   of the  past  have been able to do when   they've   assisted in doing   great harm.   Over time, they've managed to convince society that   their   remedy is the   Only   game in town!


As long as it's   legal,  what   More   can our society and  "The Law"  possibly ask?


I   Wonder  ?


Take a look in ANY phone book, and examine just HOW many advertisements there are for the   Destructive   Lawyer provided Divorce "services" ... and THEN ... COMPARE that number with how many advertisements there are for Competent   Constructive   Family Counselors! One other indicator of just Where we've actually placed our priorities can be found in just how long a Waiting list there is to make an appointment with Any Lawyer,   as compared to how long it takes to even FIND a Family or mental health Counselor who is even Taking new cases today!

WHERE are our Priorities these days? Is this "society" Really what we ALL wanted to grow up in when we were all idealistic children in grade school thinking about the exciting futures and the world we were Dreaming   of building and experiencing?


Our Legislators  HAVE  the "power" to  Seriously  turn this pain around ... by seeing To it that our society is given the "Chance" to actually HELP marriages stay Together, rather than simply Bow Down to the "legal mind set" of the Divorce Attorney legal club which does Nothing but create More pain for multiple generations. We have GIVEN our legislators the POWER to encourage our institutions of Higher learning to focus on training a great many MORE Professionals in the Healing mind set, rather than the Punishment for Profit mind set as seen in all Too many "legal offices" ...

if ONLY they will DO it!





If Only ...

the couple had been Fortunate enough

to FIND the "Right" kind of help!



Not being Catholic myself, I don't necessarily stop everything I'm doing when the Pope speaks, but that certainly doesn't mean he hasn't anything important to say from time to time!   A few years ago, the previous Pope came out with an open call to all attorneys  pleading with them to Stop making their business profits at the massive expense of  Families  everywhere! 

Whether you are Catholic, Protestant, Jew, Moslem, Buddhist, Hindu, Fundamentalist Christian, Or even atheist,   the request the Pope made to those "attorneys"  is just as morally valid as if it had come from the mouth of any other source of  "wisdom"  on this planet!


Of course the fault isn't completely that of the   legal profession!  They're just the   exorbitantly paid family executioners.   The originating problems naturally occur within the marriage itself, with the level of communication and understanding husbands and wives have
 of,  and with each other!

Let's use this analogy.   When we've stumbled or even been tripped, injuring a wrist or an elbow in the process, and are in great pain,  do we ask our family doctor to help the pain go away by helping it to heal with all the current expertise he or she has ,  and then do our very best to LEARN whatever it Takes  so we don't stumble again,   or do we ask that doctor to schedule the operating room for an amputation just below the shoulder,  with all the associated highly skilled specialists from surgeons, anesthesiologists, laboratories, and 38 other hospital expenses that are sure to be itemized in great Detail when the back breaking Bill comes,  all Perfectly Legal,  done by "professionals."  Don't be Ridiculous, you say!  Well, of course, the Medical Profession doesn't usually Do that, but certain Other professions don't seem to play by the same set of societal morals, ethics, and wisdom,  that the medical profession at least attempts to.


A family already going through that pain of facing what turns out to be trying to do things logically,  only to discover far down the road that they've been using two different interpretations of what the word logic really means all along,  shouldn't be pushed by a well meaning,  yet terribly flawed concept, to be forced into yet another no win scenario by a lawyer designed fight,  necessitating by that very Same design, the hiring of not One, but TWO different attorneys, just so they can "help" each and every family in pain, and in need of wisdom and healing, be ripped to shreds instead,   all in the name of "  helping."




What's needed here   is a  complete restructuring  of the whole  concept of what it actually  Means   in this society   to   help   families in often times   both   economic   and   emotional   pain!




And, oh yes ... by All Means,  let's keep encouraging American corporations to   Keep   outsourcing jobs to overseas countries,   all in the name of "profit" (?) ... and a   New World Order!




Thousands of years ago, civilized society pleasured itself by forcing a defenseless few into a large arena with No escape,  and   then   they let in the lions.   In today's 21st Century, society doesn't really get the optimum constructive   results   by encouraging couples and families into yet another mandated   adversarial arena  where the only response from the legal mind set  is that of saying,  "Come to us!   We have the cure!   Bring on the Lions!"


What would happen if law schools and their graduate attorneys, were simply to redirect their own businesses slightly to refocus on prosecuting or defending the proverbial evil doers and drawing up wills and real estate transactions instead?    Would this mean there might have to be some little societal re adjustment in the population of lawyers in our society?    And if so, would that necessarily be a Bad thing?  Possibly an unknown percentage of them might even wish to retrain in the field of marriage counseling instead of legal counseling, to balance the larger societal equation a bit more constructively, and simply Never have to worry about those train loads and warehouses full of nice and Legal crates of paperwork ever again!   Would this possibly mean that there might be significantly Fewer broken families than whatever the outrageously painful percentage is today?



But then there's that   whole   issue of   mind set   again,     isn't there!

Marriage Hospital and Divorce Resource Center Judy Parejko  has done a kind and compassionately caring job for anyone who could use a source of sanity that can shine a much brighter light on the additional pain which is so often cruelly perpetuated by our   so-called  "family"  legal system, which even today, only benefits and perpetuates the "system" and those who work In it,  and in an all too large percentage of cases, destroys everything else.   Just how Rich do "Family" lawyers need to Be anyway,  at our expense, and that of the security of the entire families  they  profess  to   serve,        especially  when there is a  much   better way?

In most cases, the problem originates, and then Snowballs
from a painfully huge lack of understanding of our own
gender based behavioral differences.

Cure That, and there would never have to Be  a Need to discuss the
Destructively   simplistic  formulas  of "family" law in most cases!



But what about the marriage and family counselors we've already Had
for many Decades now?  Of course a very large percentage of them have done
enormous Good!   However, just like the new discoveries we've made in medicine, agriculture, space travel, computing, and clearing those massive traffic jams from our freeways (well, four out of five isn't bad), there's also been break-throughs in understanding men and women,  and husbands and wives  too!





There are extremely valid yet very difficult reasons why husbands and wives trap themselves into these corners of strong misunderstandings and resulting stress, which can only be healed by competent and compassionate counselors who are there to help, as opposed to destroying. The main complication with that remedy in the past is that just like all of humanity's many other specialties, even marriage counselors and other mental health professionals have varying schools of thought about the most effective remedies. There are Freudian based, behavioral based, cognitive based, medically based, and solely religiously based counselors, among others, who only tend to see any married couple before them as examples for treatment of whatever specialty they happen to support. Just as with humanity's other areas of knowledge, human relationship healing specialties are still in a process of transition and evolution.



There   Are   new discoveries,   and new ways of helping ... All the time!

And it's about Time   we Found those discoveries!






Understanding that we   DON'T   understand:




Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
The Books and the Video Seminars


You've no doubt Heard about it,  and possibly even read
or heard some of the other media formats about it     But ...

have you actually taken the TIME   together   to Really Understand it

... from each Other's    personal   points of view?




Would you Like to understand what neither gender understands Today?

Would you Like to either enrich  or possibly  save your Marriage
and  the happiness of your Children, if not for now,
  then for sometime in the future?


For much Less  than the cost of a Great Dinner at a good restaurant,
a good Show, a Really nice Hotel room  with a bottle of chilled champagne,
a fragrant bouquet of roses,  and in the candlelight,  a flavorful dish of ripe red
strawberries,  together with a can of whipped cream on the side,  the vast majority of
those Mars Venus barriers that have escalated beyond all Reason,  can simply vanish,
to be replaced with the smiles, hugs, kisses,  and the forgiveness that so easily
comes with  understanding,  plus a few giggles  thrown in just for fun,
just like the ones you can once again recall from years past.


And All that's needed is that Next  level of Understanding & Wisdom

you just didn't   quite   have before!



Take it from one who knows...



Learn It!     And Teach it to your Children at the appropriate time!



Our Society is Intelligent enough  to finally   Cure   this Problem ... or in the very Least,   a Very large   part of it ...

if ONLY our  "law makers"  will Shift their Focus from   Allowing  "lawyers"  to
  Feast    on the emotional pain Every family member feels ...

and instead do a  LOT MORE to encourage a much GREATER number of
Helpful    family therapists    in this   So called   "civilization"   of ours!





Separation of Church and State  can certainly be a   Good   thing   ...

but  Only   as Long as the   State     hasn't  Lost  it's sense of Compassion ... and Wisdom ... and REAL Justice,   not just for 'one side' or the other in some   Ridiculously   expensive TUG-of-WAR  ... to   Crush   a spouse, and in doing so, crush a Family ... but for both sides to continue searching ... for a true  win - WIN  solution, through a hopeful attempt,  at opening a New,   and deeper level  ...  of understanding.





Didn't the "State" ... used to be ... "us?"

Visit  the Mars - Venus Web site !

Other Resources:

RELATIONSHIP & Self Improvement Related Sources


 Smart Marriages.com

 Marriage Worksheet from Oprah & Dr. Phil

 Forgiveness and Letting Go

Divorce Stopper



More Resources coming soon ...





And  IF  you've done EVERYTHING;   spell that EVERYTHING ... possible
to SAVE your Marriage   and   your Family,   but it's Simply Out of your Hands,

FIRST of all, Ease your mind by Discovering a Great many of the Reasons in

"Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"


and  When   the grief is   Somewhat   bearable again, try ...

Christian Connection